The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
