new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
