i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's always time for handjobs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
