You made me cry and you don't even care
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
