If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
