I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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