So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize