drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
