this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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