i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone came in the potted fern
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
