You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
