pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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