did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
