there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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