If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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