His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
