Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
