We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
