apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sext me about skeletons
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
