So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
