and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
