Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
