so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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