I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
