I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
