we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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