Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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