Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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