I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
