Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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