his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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