do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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