i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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