I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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