Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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