Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
