well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize