the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
