i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
