I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
