I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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