I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
