i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
