If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize