3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
