I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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