I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize