So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
