dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
