Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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