nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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