theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize