Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My bed smells like the plague
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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