You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
