And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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