I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
