he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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