that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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