in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
