can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
